Fulfilling Marital Duties Part V

I Corinthians 7: 32-40

"Fulfilling Marital Duties: Part V"

Sermon by

Mark A. Horne

We are working through First Corinthians and have learned several issues the Corinthian church faced to which Paul responded. They dealt with issues such as divisions amongst themselves, sexual immorality, and lawsuits that they should have decided without the help of the civil courts.

Over the past several weeks we have studied chapter 7 that deals with another issue the Corinthian church had: is marriage purposeful in light of Christ? What should a believer do in certain situations, such as an unbelieving spouse abandoning him or her? Do believers have to marry? And there are others we have looked at as well. This morning we conclude our study on 1 Corinthians 7 and this particular discussion on marriage.

There are four points I believe we can gain from our passage:

1) There are concerns and anxieties in this world that a married couple has that an unmarried person does not, yet all believers eyes should focus on the Lord.

2) Parents have a responsibility to whom there child marries, especially a daughter.

3) Marriage is for life, but when a spouse dies we are at liberty to remarry.

Kate Anderson writes this about her wishes for her and her spouse:

My wishes for us...

that we'll continue to share new interest and adventures, and allow each other freedom to develop as individuals as well...

that our faith won't be shaken by occasional feelings of hurt or anger - that we'll continue to acknowledge our differences openly, and to see them as opportunities to learn and grow closer...

that we'll find in each disagreement the patience to listen, the courage to trust, and the strength to forgive.

Kate Anderson writes some wise words, especially in light of the Word of God in our passage this morning. As we have been studying First Corinthians 7 we have noted Paul's continual reference to married couples having hardships and anxieties versus those who are not married. In verse 32 Paul does it again. This morning I want to expound upon this concept because it is a very real issue one faces either as a married person, or as a person thinking about engagement and marriage.

In verse 32 Paul addresses his listeners with a wish - that they would not have to face the concerns that married people face. Paul knows that there are burdens in a marriage that people deal with, and these burdens can do one of two things; either draw a couple closer together in the Lord, or take their eyes off the Lord. More than likely, he says, it takes our eyes off the Lord. Paul knew that many go into marriage with expectations of what the spouse will or will not do. And as long as everything is going good, then things are right with the Lord. However, when an expectation is not met, or a disappointment sets in, the eyes move away from what we should be doing - that is focusing on Jesus - and to the trouble that is in front of us in our spouse.

Paul says a married person's interest has to be divided. Where an unmarried person can full devote their body and soul to the Lord, a married person cannot. Where an unmarried person can devote all their thoughts and aims to the Lord, an unmarried person cannot. An unmarried person is free and is not hindered from thinking the things of God. However this is not so with the married person. Why?

Look at verses 33 and 34. Those whom are married cares for the things of this world. But fully understand what world means here. It is not caring for worldly things, it is caring due to what the condition this earthly life brings - that is the husband in pleasing his wife and the wife in pleasing her husband. Marriage is not evil. But what those who are married have to contend with the things that proceed from our depravity. There are many anxieties married couples deal with but I want to list two we should be especially concerned with because they pull us more from that focus on Jesus than the others. The first is the anxiety of distrust, in other words we do not trust totally our God for our worldly cares as Jesus teaches in Matthew 6:25. The second anxiety we deal with is that of husbandry. As husbands and fathers, we should be concerned with our family. We need to provide for them by putting them in decent clothes and providing the means of food and shelter. However in doing our duty, our eyes are taken off of Christ. Is this wrong. No! Scripture teaches us to fulfill these duties, especially in the Proverbs (Proverb 13:22 and 24:30-34 for example). But the sin that can proceed from this is undue excess or coveting for more. To put it in modern day vernacular, "keeping up with the Jones'." You see, Paul did not ban marriage - he says it is good being an institution set by God. What Paul wants His listeners to understand - the man or woman who is not married and devoted to Christ - can do much more that those who are married. We should want our minds as well as our bodies pure and exempt from all uncleanness. We need to cleave to God without distraction. We must make it a priority to set aside time for the Lord, especially if we are married.

In verses 36 - 38 we have a passage that deals with a relationship. What is interesting is that the passage can be understood in two ways. The first is how the NIV understands - that of a relationship of engagement. The other way to understand it is like the NASV or NKJV understands - that of a relationship between a father and daughter. The Greek really gives us liberty to translate the passage either way and based on the historical background of Paul's day, either situation could have existed. However, I was lent some tapes by Doug Wilson, published by Canon Press, that excellently taught what true covenant marriage is and a true covenant household is. And having fresh in my mind what he said, I want us to take the angle of understanding the passage from a father / daughter relationship.

The point: parents have a responsibility to whom there child marries, especially a daughter. In our American culture we think that when our child reaches a certain age we have no say-so in who they should or should not marry. If they find somebody and they are "in love" they should marry and get on with their lives apart from us. After all, Genesis 2:24 says that "a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh." Let's get them hitched and get them gone. But I want to assert to you this morning parents that you have the authority to make your children think about what they are doing, especially when it comes to marriage in today's America. And those of you who are single, you have the responsibility to listen to your parent's advice about what you are fixing to embark upon, and what they think of that person you are or will be embarking with. As we have just seen, with marriage comes certain miseries. And who better to instruct you, than those Godly parents who know you best and knows about the miseries firsthand.

Mike McManus reports this in his book Marriage Savers:

Girls who marry between fourteen and seventeen years of age are more than twice as likely to divorce as those who marry at eighteen or nineteen years of age. Those who marry at ages eighteen or nineteen are 1.5 times more likely to divorce than those who marry in their twenties. The pressures of young adulthood and the stresses of early married life do not mix well.

Parents get involved with who your children or grandchildren are marrying. Exercise fear and caution on the account of your children. Give them the advantage of the experiences you have and give them the advantage based on your experience what you see the person they are with or about to marry as. If you have truly considered your daughter's disposition and are of the opinion that she cannot remain celibate - then let her marry. Paul says you have not sinned. Though you know the troubles that await them, if she cannot do what is right in the sight of God - then let her marry so it will be right. It is better to let them control the lust due to the vexations you know they will encounter than to let sin progress in their present state.

However, if you know in your own heart and can stand firm that your daughter should not marry this person and she is still in your house of rule, then don't let them. But be careful. Decide rashly in accordance with the measure of grace that has been given. Look carefully on all sides. Consider well what is the best interest of the daughter and not you. If you think they should not marry, by prudence correct their ignorance or unreasonable desire. And if you have young children, you must discipline them in the little things - because when they are grown, it will be much easier to discipline them in the big things, such as marriage. Parents, your authority is of first rate importance. Use it to the advantage of your children. Children, young adults, allow yourselves to be governed by your parents. Take advantage of their wisdom before you are married, because you may need much more of it when you are married.

III

Finally, in verses 39 and 40 we are reminded that marriage is for life, but if a spouse dies we are at liberty to remarry. Widows have just as much right to remarry as the widowers. No hindrance ought to be placed in front of a widow if she wants to remarry. But there is a note in this passage to see. The one we are marrying should be one who loves the Lord. Their should not be a marriage with an unbeliever. Both should fear the Lord.

Laura Ingles Wilder writes in her book Saving Graces:

"As someone has said, 'thoughts are things,' and the atmosphere of every home depends on the kind of thoughts each member of that home is thinking.

I spent an afternoon a short time ago with a friend in her new home. The house was beautiful and well furnished with new furniture, but it seemed bare and empty to me. I wondered why this was until I remembered my experience with my new house. I could not make the living room seem homelike. I would move the chairs here and there and change the pictures on the wall, but something was lacking. Nothing seemed to change the feeling of coldness and vacancy that displeased me whenever I entered the room.

Then as I stood in the middle of the room one day wondering what I could possibly do to improve it, it came to me that all that was needed was for someone to live in it and furnish it with the everyday, pleasant thoughts of friendship and cheerfulness and hospitality.

We all know there is a spirit in every home, a sort of composite spirit composed of the thoughts and feelings of the members of the family as a composite photograph is formed of the features of different individuals. This spirit meets us at the door as we enter the home."

Proverbs 15:16-18 says, "Better is a little with the fear of the LORD than great treasure and trouble therewith. Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and a hatred therewith. A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife."

I think Laura Ingles Wilder beautifully illustrates the kind of life we all should strive to have with our Christian spouse, much less a widow who remarries one who loves the LORD. We should always be guided by the fear of God, the Laws of God, and act in dependence on the providence of God.

Let Us Pray: Dear Heavenly Father, you have provided for us over the last few weeks a lengthy study on marriage and our duties to both you and our spouse. Help us to discern you will in all matters we face, especially when the tendency is to take our eyes off of you. Help us to be good parents to our children by first setting a Godly example for them, but also second by guiding them only by what we learn in your Word. We know we mess up and make mistakes. Help us to learn from our experiences so we can be better stewards to the gifts given by you called our children. Lord be with those who are widows and widowers to live a life in accordance with you will. All this we pray in Your Son's Holy Name, Jesus Christ. Amen.