I Corinthians 7:8-16
“Fulfilling Marital Duties: Part II”
Sermon by
Mark A. Horne
Last week we began a five part series on marriage using I Corinthians 7. This week we are studying the second part in this series. And today we will see some important points that up to twenty years ago most people would definitely agree with. But over the last twenty years our culture has rapidly embraced the total opposite of what is true and made a mockery of a sacred institution. That sacred institution being marriage.
We must remember as our Confession states that “marriage was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife; for the legitimate propagation of mankind; for raising up a holy seed to the church; and for the prevention of moral impurity.” It is in these things one must be sure when they decide to join to another in the name of Christ.
And Paul addresses such issues in our passage with three points:
1) It is better to marry than to burn in Gehenna.
2) Marriage by Christ’s command is for life.
3) Even marriage to an unbeliever is for life.
It is better to marry than to burn in Gehenna. Paul makes an exhortation in verses 8, 9, and 10 to the widows and the unmarried. He tells them that if they had the power that they needed to stay as he was, that is unmarried. This is a continuation of verse 7 where Paul explained that one has to have a gift given to them by God in order to remain unmarried. Paul realized our fallen nature could not allow very many people to do so without sinning. What sin could one possibly do? Paul explains here that one should marry if they are going to burn with passion, or burn with lustful desire. Another translation could mean burn as Gehenna burns.
Gehenna was Jerusalem’s trash dump. It was where children had been sacrificed by fire to Molech, that you can find in 2 Chronicles 28:3 and 33:6. Most of all it became a prophetic symbol for judgement. It was in this trash dump that there was always fire. A slow, constant burning fire that kept the surrounding places hot. Jesus uses the term in Matthew 13 and 18 when he describes the eternal fire of those who are not called by him. And Paul uses this same illustration to describe what is going on in a person’s heart when one doesn’t have that special gift to remain unmarried. This is a boiling lust, one that cannot be resisted. But not just any unmarried person, but all who are true to Jesus Christ as an unmarried person. Paul wants those who can remain so to persevere; but as they have no security for the continuance of the gift, he exhorts all to consider carefully what has been given to them.
And after considering for such a time, if they realize their heart will be against what our Lord describes as lust in Matthew 5:27-30, he tells them to marry. And he makes the statement that is not mere advice but a command. Paul is not merely restricting those who practice this kind of immorality everyday; he is speaking to those who are called into the family of God. He is speaking to those who are apart of the Kingdom. One need not let his or her heart be defiled by inward lust. If one is unmarried and can’t control this desire then they need to get married. But take this statement lightly. I don’t mean that one should go and marry any person they wish. The matter is much more serious than that. Notice the comparison again. Marriage is good, inasmuch as it is not so great an evil as to burn. Marriage is good and a salutary remedy, because to burn is great abomination in the sight of God.
It is a good reminder for all of us who may have their fleshly inclinations sparked to place our fear in God for opposition to such temptations. We must acknowledge before the Lord, with humility and sighing, our weakness. We must fear the Lord and find great delight in his commands (Ps. 112:1). We must cut off all inlets to unchaste thoughts, and entreat the Lord to give us strength to resist and to extinguish those flames of lust. If one can bridle like a horse or a mule the violence that can rage within, before it has mastered him, then it is well. Because when one is inflamed with such blindness that he or she can’t have peace of conscience and call upon the Lord, then it has hindered their purity. And if we do succeed, we should render thanks to the Lord for the grace given to us. Because it is not just the body that has been kept pure but the mind as well.
If one decides that marriage is the way to go then they must realize that marriage by Christ’s command is for life. It is a tie that cannot be dissolved. Paul is condemning in verses 10 and 11 those divorces that were of daily occurrences among the heathens, and were not punished among the Jews by the Law of Moses. Why shouldn’t one put separate from her husband or his wife? Because it is an indissoluble bond. There has been a covenant made between the man and wife for as long as this life will allow. You may be asking why such a strict vow? Or you may be asking, “I didn’t know I said that?”
It is so strict because the marriage institution is the great model to teach us Christ’s relationship to His church. It is the marriage institution that we are able to understand our relationship to our Lord as His bride. And God is the author of this. The connection between husband and wife is so great that as Moses said in Genesis 2:24, “a man ought to leave his father and mother.” Can you see the importance of the connection and the sacredness of marriage? In spiritual terms it represents Christ and his relationship to the church. But also, in our tangible earthly terms that we think we have to have, God tells us from the beginning that the right of a son that is bound to his father and mother cannot shake the yoke of marriage to his bride. He is to leave the ones that have nurtured and cared for him all his life and become one with his bride.
It must be understood that separation is not in the mix other than for adultery. For even by Rome, one of the most pagan dynasties in history, by law adultery was a capital crime, not like America where adultery is made a mockery by our ex-President Bill Clinton. However, like America, Roman husbands did divorce their wives because their mannerisms may not be too congenial, or because their personal appearance did not please them, or some other silly defense. And likewise, wives to deserted (notice I said desert and not divorce – by Roman law, women had no rights to divorce), so they deserted their husbands on account of their cruelty, or excessively harsh or dishonorable treatment. But still, no matter how much we may want to be in charge, divorces or dissensions in nature do not dissolve marriage. For marriage is an agreement that is consecrated by the name of God, it does not stand or fall according to man’s inclination. It can’t be made void anytime we think we can. Yes, men can dissolve contracts that depend on their mere inclination. But marriage is not one of those contracts. Marriage depends solely upon God’s grace and mercy. As Calvin says, “God having prescribed lawful marriage as a remedy of our inconsistency, let us make use of it, that we may not by tempting Him, pay the penalty of our rashness.”
You may be saying, “that’s well and fine if two believers are married, but I am married to an unbeliever, what should I do?” The answer in verses 12-16 is even marriage to an unbeliever is for life. Again, Paul makes sure that his claim is not of His own wisdom, but of the Lord. If a husband or wife that is an unbeliever is contempt enough to be married to a believer, then the believer should stay in the marriage. The Christian calling never dissolves a marriage, but on the contrary binds it more tightly.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified. Remember, the wife and the husband are one under covenant bond, we saw this in I Corinthians 6:16 and as Ephesians 5:23 that says the husband is head of the wife, and she her husbands partner in everything. Paul is declaring in this passage the sacredness and purity of marriage. And Paul is commenting on a marriage that is already in place and then one of them comes to know Christ. And Sanctification is taking place in various forms. It is the faithfulness of the believer that has more effect in sanctifying the marriage than the unfaithfulness of another that may be polluting it. Thus a believer can live with an unbeliever and still have a pure conscience. Especially since sanctification has no benefit to the unbelieving spouse. You see, to the ungodly all things are impure as Titus 1:15 says. The unbeliever can not acknowledge God as his Author, and therefore is incapable of true sanctification. But to the believer who has been made holy, marriage to them is a holy state. Hence, he is sanctified for the wife’s sake. She is sanctified for the husband’s sake.
This is especially important when children are involved. When children are born to Christians, though married to unbelievers, they are not to be thought of as apart of the world, but as apart of the church. The children of one believing parent are regarded as holy. The ungodliness of one parent does not hinder the children that are born from being holy, so neither does it hinder the marriage from being pure. The child of a believer is set apart by the Lord. They are exempt from the common lot of mankind. The Lord admits children into the church by His Word and they should not be exempt from the sign of the covenant.
However there is a flip side to the coin. If the unbeliever does choose to depart from his or her spouse, then the divorce can be reconciled to God more so than to the unbelieving spouse. There is in this case a special reason, the chief bond is not just merely loosened but has broken through. Still, as a Christian one must act like a Christian. There must be a cultivation of peace by us, the ones that have been called by Jesus Christ. We must act properly towards them. For as verse 16 states there is an uncertain hope that may remain. There is a possibility that the unbelieving spouse may be brought to belief in Jesus Christ. Though they are dead, it is only God who can raise the dead. If there remains any hope in doing good, one must do so in hope of preparing the unbeliever for what God may be doing in their heart. We must make use of ourselves as the instruments we are of God to cultivate those around us, yes even closest to us for He may be working in their lives.
Leigh Anne Thomas tells a story about her and her husband Roy that may help illustrate how we are to cultivate and nurture our spouse. She writes, “in the early years of our marriage, I seemed to have one major goal – to repair my husband. He was never enough, attentive enough, spontaneous enough…You get the picture. I was determined (by brute force if necessary) to mold and shape him into the perfect life companion. The only problem was, Roy didn’t realize he needed a character makeover.
Can you say conflict?
Then one year we attended a marriage enrichment weekend that put my compulsions to change him into a new perspective. We all sat in chairs facing each other, then one at a time we each took our spouses hands, looked at them, and thought of all that those hands do for us day by day.
Emotions overwhelmed me as I took Roy’s hands in mine. All my ridiculous grievances melted away, and I genuinely and humbly looked at what the Lord had given me, perhaps for the first time. Those hands had always held me in gentleness and love, never in anger. They had calmed me down when I was upset. They had faithfully worked to earn a living to support a family. They had reached out to neighborhood children to take them to church and bring them to Christ. They had loved, held, played with, and tickled our own children. They had mowed the grass, taken out the trash, painted the house, fixed the car, pushed a stroller, applied first aid, and wiped away tears. And the owner of those hands had always driven his family car to church and led them in worship.
I realized that God just didn’t bless me with a husband just so I could “repair” him. He gave me a wonderful gentle man to love and honor in the Lord. He gave me someone with whom to work, laugh and cry, and raises a Christian family.
So now when little irritations threaten to cloud my marital bliss, I do my very best to close my eyes and think of those blessed hands.”
We have a calling brothers and sisters not to let our hearts burn like Gehenna for something other than what our Lord has given us. We must be faithful to that gift that we call a spouse. If he or she is a believer, then we are nurturing the relationship that God has set in place to teach us more about Him. If he or she is an unbeliever, then we may be cultivating a seed that God has so dearly planted in our loved one’s heart.
Blessed is the man (or woman) who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit at the seat of mockers. But his delight is on the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. Psalm 1:1-2.
Let Us Pray: Dear Heavenly Father, I pray today that you would work in our hearts and show us the way either as a nurturer or a cultivator in our marriages for your Kingdom. Help us to understand who you are and your relationship to your chosen ones. Help us to control our desires that our contrary to your will. For it is in you most precious name I pray, Amen.